Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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