KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
