You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
