Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
