Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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