at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
