It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
