He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
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The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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