Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
