I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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