Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"