just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Your dad touched me again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
How external is "for external use only"?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things