I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.