She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up