Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
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The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.