the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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