he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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