please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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