Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
