GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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