is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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