So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
