Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is the high leading the old right now
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
