So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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