Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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