I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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