I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
