Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
