im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's the barista slut.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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