You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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