I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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