So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
