Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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