Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
