NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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