Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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