I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it penis luge time yet?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
