38 yer olds are good kisserssss
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
