i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
