I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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