Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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