I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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