What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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