Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
