I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
