conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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