shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
