Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's paper in my vomit.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
