It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
