he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
tell me about the fingering
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