I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
