I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
