she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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