Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We had to coat check the pizza.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
