Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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