Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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