New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will pee on everything he values.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
