You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
