I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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