Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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