She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
