you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
