totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
