Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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