My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
