Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
