Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
