I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
