I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this beer tastes like vomit already
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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