I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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