So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
